Saturday, March 2, 2013


The words of a familiar song are playing in my head this week as I battle the blues. I can't remember all of them, or the artist, but it goes something like this, "I am waiting, waiting on you Lord. And I am hopeful...hmmm hm hm hm hm."

My life is beautiful. I thank God everyday for all I have been blessed with. I try so hard to live in the moment, but I am a controller, I have anxiety and depression, and sometimes I can't see the forest through the trees, but I am hopeful. I am working hard to battle my genetic and chemical deficits.

When I was younger, I watched my mother constantly battle depression, and I didn't understand. I knew her life wasn't perfect, far from it, but there were so many things to be thankful for. I could see God working in her life for good, but she couldn't. I could see that God gave her this burden so she might help others, but she couldn't. And now here I am.

I know there is a reason God gave me this burden, but now I need to work on TRUSTING this knowledge, TRUSTING God to lead me where I need to be. These are very very difficult things for me to do. I want everything done yesterday, I want what I want to happen now, but I do not know the plans God has for me, so I must wait and hope...and pray and TRUST God to lead me where I need to be.

I am waiting.

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