Waiting

The words of a familiar song are playing in my head this week as I battle the blues. I can't remember all of them, or the artist, but it goes something like this, "I am waiting, waiting on you Lord. And I am hopeful...hmmm hm hm hm hm."

My life is beautiful. I thank God everyday for all I have been blessed with. I try so hard to live in the moment, but I am a controller, I have anxiety and depression, and sometimes I can't see the forest through the trees, but I am hopeful. I am working hard to battle my genetic and chemical deficits.

When I was younger, I watched my mother constantly battle depression, and I didn't understand. I knew her life wasn't perfect, far from it, but there were so many things to be thankful for. I could see God working in her life for good, but she couldn't. I could see that God gave her this burden so she might help others, but she couldn't. And now here I am.

I know there is a reason God gave me this burden, but now I need to work on TRUSTING this knowledge, TRUSTING God to lead me where I need to be. These are very very difficult things for me to do. I want everything done yesterday, I want what I want to happen now, but I do not know the plans God has for me, so I must wait and hope...and pray and TRUST God to lead me where I need to be.

I am waiting.

Little Red Rain Boots

Earlier this week, my three year old stopped me as I was on my way out the door to work. "Mom, wait! I need to show you something before you go," he said. He then ran to the book shelf and pulled out a frayed, softened, and obviously well-read baby board book. He knew exactly what page he was looking for and flipped right to it. The page he choose was a picture of a pair of little red rain boots. "Mom, can you get me a pair of new boots like this today? My black ones are getting too small (they are). I think they are in aisle 5 or maybe 9," he matter of factly told me. We live in a rural area, so the chances of finding toddler sized, shiny, red, rain boots in aisle 5 or 9, let alone any aisle were slim to none. However, I went to work, and searched the internet (not aisle 5 or 9) for little red rain boots. I found some too at one of my favorite sites! Yesterday, when I got home from work a shoe sized box was waiting for me by the door. Excitedly, I opened it up and then told my son, "I have a surprise, come look!" He was so excited and so convinced I found them in aisle 5 or maybe 9 thanks to his good directions.

The little red rain boots, wanted so badly by my little three year old boy, arrived just in time for a spring thaw day. It was beautiful today and the mud and water were both in abundance. We all went for a short walk to the park this afternoon and my boy had a fantastic time splashing through the puddles in his new red rain boots. The joy was palpable and helped to lift my blue spirit.

All that joy from a pair of little red rain boots, found in aisle 5 or maybe 9.

The Good, The Bad, and The Stomach Flu

Friday, though I wasn't feeling a whole lot better, I got up and went to work. (Knowing that I was probably only the first in the house to be sick and those sick days would be needed for my little ones.) It was a long uneventful day. A good friend brought me a fancy coffee, of which I managed two sips before sadly putting it in the fridge for a day when my stomach felt better. (PS - I overflowed it in the microwave Saturday morning and never did get to drink it anyway). After picking the kiddos up from daycare, I managed an ice cream date that had been postponed from the previous day due to the stomach bug. The kids enjoyed the cookie toppings more than the ice cream. In a fit of spontaneity I also offered a visit to the movie store to which my three year old replied, "No thanks mom. We have movies at home." Indeed we did and we thoroughly enjoyed them even on the umpteenth viewing.

On Saturday, after a fun indoor play park date with good friends and their children, Saturday night was a little "shitty"...literally. As I wrote previously, I caught a little stomach bug. (and it has been making the rounds at daycare as well). Well Saturday afternoon it seemed the boys got a touch of it as well. I woke up from a much needed nap to poo everywhere thanks to the bug and a leaky diaper. This was shortly followed by an accident in the big boy underwear. It was at this point, I think, that my husband was rethinking taking his supper break at home. There was no "supper" per say. There was eggs and toast though, breakfast for supper is always a good lifesaver! The plus side to all of this was two fully bathed boys before 630. The rest of the night proved uneventful...thank goodness. We settled in to watch a few movies with cups of pedialite and powerade zero. Quite the trio we were! I went to bed with high hopes that this would be the extent of the stomach bug at our house.

And so it seemed. The boys and I spent the morning trying hard to be quiet so hubby could sleep in a little. It worked for a while. In the afternoon the kids took a short, but restful nap and after waking sat up to the table to have a snack and listen to some of my favorite tunes while I prepared supper. And then it began...the complaints of a tummy ache, followed by all the classic symptoms of the stomach flu. At one am, my hubby arrived home to chaos. We divided, baby and dad in one room, mom and flu kiddo to another. Needless to say it was a long night.

We are home today on a sick day. Aside from feeling awful for my little one and being thoroughly exhausted, it is a good day. I am thankful it was only the stomach flu. Ugly as it may be, I can deal with the stomach flu.

Worm Charming

A group of my students and I read this book in our small group today:

 

It was all about worm charming!  Who'd a thunk!?!  Visit the website www.wormcharming.com for more info.

Funk

After a long weekend, I thought I would be rested.  I was rested.  Now I am not.  I love being a teacher, but my heart is longing for more time with my children.  The stress of educating our lowest learners with increasing demands from administration is taking its toll.  I know the plans God has for me are far greater than I could ever imagine, so I will keep on waiting.

***

The "bug" also got me this week.  I always despise being sick, but  I used to be able to find some joy in sick days because I got to take a bath, catch up on my TV/movie watching, and maybe read if I wasn't too busy sleeping.  Now being a mom comes first, and sick or not, my children still want and need me.  In fact they seem to need and want me even more when all I want to do is crawl back under the covers.

This week has been difficult.  I am in a funk.  I feel like I don't deserve to be in a funk.  I am so blessed, there are so many others who deserve the funk more than I do, but yet here I am, in a funk.  I need sunshine and healthy kids, less stress, and more time to "play."  That is on me though, happiness is not an emotion, it is something I must work at every day.  I have all the components for happiness, I just need to make the decision to feel it...everyday.

Teacher, Stay at Home Momma, or Zookeeper

Some days doesn't it feel like they are all one in the same? 

Teacher, stay at home momma, or zookeeper.  

Today my 5th grade students were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up.  One of them said, "Well, you are so brilliant, but what would you be if you weren't a teacher?"  (Ha, brownie points!)  My reply was, "A stay at home momma."  To which another student said, "Yeah, me too!  A teacher, a stay at home momma, or...a zookeeper!"  Little does she know...funny stuff people, funny stuff.

A day in the life...

5:35 1st alarm goes off

5:50 2nd alarm goes off

6:10 get out of bed - ask hubby to listen for baby to wake (he is asleep in our bed)

6:25 hubby and baby bust in bathroom (baby is fully dressed for the day though...yay!)

6:30 baby pulling on leg and trying to dig through the garbage as I attempt to apply makeup or at least cover up the spots

6:35 3 year old busts in bathroom and hubby leaves for work

6:40 fight breaks out over 3 year old's blanket (he has it, baby wants it)

6:45 3 year old aims incorrectly at toilet while trying to escape baby (I clean it up)

6:50 Sit down to nurse baby, turn Dora on, fast forward to baby side, check work email, have conversation with 3 year about why Christmas is over

7:00 Switch sides nursing, check regular email, open fruit pouch and juice for 3 year old

7:05 fix hair (aka: a messy bun-the only thing my hair knows how to do these days), change 3 year olds clothes, refill milk, pack backpacks

7:10 brush teeth, start car, make protein shake

7:15 haul bags to car, toast waffles

7:20 coats on, boots on, hats on

7:25 kids to car, smash waffles together and stuff in paper towels, throw leftovers in lunch bag

7:30 return to locked house for lunch and blankie

7:35 Drive to daycare - notice and discuss all the vehicles we pass

7:45 Arrive at daycare, unload kids and backpacks, undress kids, stuff clothes in bag, hang backpacks up, deposit milk, settle dispute about blankie, buckle kids in highchairs,

7:50 Give one more hug, kiss, and I love you

7:52 drive to work

7:59 Arrive at work - 1 minute to spare

8:00 Join initial evaluation meeting

8:02 Explain learning disabilities, dyslexia, and achievement testing to team

8:20 fill out paperwork

8:25 Finish protein shake and cold waffles

8:30 receive text from hubby requesting phone call

8:35 teach 4th grade reading

9:15 respond to hubby's text

9:17 in laws are coming to visit tonight (but they are bringing supper)

9:20 dispute via text message over who gets to run tonight (with hubby)

9:23 I get to run

9:25 Pump, check email, call student loan center, read chapter from Dyslexia, schedule two meeting with parents

10:00 teach 2nd grade reading...and on it goes...

No wonder I am tired!